This is personal and private information that is part of my "journal".
Please, I've shared because I trust you. Don't disappoint me.
Part 1 - Page 1
The day that changed my life...
Most of my adult life was all work and very little play. I never had the time or motivation to enjoy much more than the open marriage with my wife and our swinger’s parties. After my wife (and the love of my life) suddenly died in 2003, I was lost, devastated, mourning, and basically spent the first two years recovering from the shock. As time passed the sexual urges returned in the third year, but I was not interested in people. So, it was me, my hands, toys, and a wide variety of free porn videos. While BDSM was included, I never considered it as something I needed or wanted to do in real life. I've always related to the female perspective when watching porn.
Anyway… As I said, “work was my life” and cooking dinner after a long day at work was not going to happen. My cooking life was Lean Cuisine frozen dinners from the freezer to the microwave. But I couldn’t eat that junk every day so I would often get takeout or stop at a Chili’s I passed on the way home.
It was a Thursday evening in late February of 2006 that changed everything. I was driving home from work, and I made a last second turn into Chili's. As usual I grabbed a table in the bar area. Most of the staff knew me by name so eating alone was comfortable too. I was sitting at my table pretending to be watching the TV, but I was really trying to figure out a problem at work. Before my food arrived, the waitress said to me, “The very classy looking lady sitting alone in that booth would like you to join her for dinner. She is a regular like you, and she’s an amazing woman. You should join her”. So, I figured what the hell… When I got to the table, she stood up, shook my hand and introduced herself to me. Interesting.
It is always awkward when meeting new people because one of the first “icebreaker” questions is, “What do you do for a living?”. Unfortunately, the only thing I’m allowed to say is that I work for a defense contractor. She told me that she was self-employed in the entertainment business and preferred not to talk about work. That was different. So was the evening. I know that I got to Chili’s around 6:30 and the conversation was so engaging I didn’t leave until almost midnight.
After that first meeting, we started dating every weekend. After three weeks it became intimate. Although I suggested we go to her place, we always ended up at my house. Six weeks into this very new and extremely hot relationship, she finally suggested we go back to her place. Keep in mind that while I picked her up for dates, I had never been in her apartment.
Once there, she sat me on the couch and said she needed to tell me something. I thought she was breaking up with me. She started by apologizing for not being completely honest about what she did for a living. Then she said, "I would understand completely if you decided to stop dating me tonight".
And then, there it was… She said, “I’m a professional dominatrix. To be clear, I’m NOT a prostitute and don’t have sex with clients. But many of the things I do have strong sexual undertones”. The look on her face told me she wasn’t kidding. Then, she described with tremendous passion how her love, no, her NEED to be dominant, was something she absolutely had to have in her real-life relationships. And how being a professional dominatrix was an easy, natural path that partly fulfilled her real dominant needs. I remember that she said, “You know, when your work is something, you love, you'll never work a day in your life”.
After an hour of her non-stop descriptions and explanations to justify herself and keep me from leaving, she offered me a tour of her home dungeon. Wow! At first, I felt like I entered some dark, kinky, secret world. To say I felt weird would be an understatement! Before I knew it, I was asking questions about how different things worked and how they were used. The engineer in me couldn’t help but point out a couple of things that were not properly secured. Which somehow broke the tension and had us laughing. We were in the dungeon for a long time and with every passing minute both of us were becoming more comfortable. Then came her ultimatum…
She asked me two give her two weeks during which she would introduce me to rudimentary BDSM and make me understand what my role would be if I decided to continue to be with her. This new D/s relationship with "rules" was not anything I had ever considered yet something inside me said, “I really like this woman. We've been dating hot and heavy for six weeks. So listen to what she has to say and see what happens. It's only two weeks and I can bail out at any time”. So, I agreed.
After that we started seeing each other just about every day. I can't say the adjustment in our relationship was difficult, just very different than anything I could have imagined. We agreed to meet at Chili's after work to decide if we wanted to continue.
This wasn’t a date it was more of a meeting. My emotions were totally conflicted. I thought for sure she was going to say that she didn’t think it would work out. Because while we were completely in sync with “life” things, I was a bumbling idiot at the “submissive” partner things. When I walked in the door, I wasn’t sure what I would say I wanted to do if she wanted to continue. That lasted until I saw her sitting there. Just being with her made me feel alive and happy, warm and loved. I didn’t care what role I was in or what I needed to do as long as I was doing it with her. She felt the same way. I remember looking into her eyes and saying, “Terry, in most relationships it’s easy to sort of paint a picture of what it will look like down the road assuming things work out. I’ve been trying to paint a picture of what we would look like in the future assuming things work out and I’m clueless. I don’t know what tomorrow is going to look like and I’m really scared”. She looked at me with that sinister, devious smile that over time became etched in my mind as a warning that I was going to be bent until broken, she said, “Don’t worry baby, I can see the picture, and don’t be scared, I got you”. Truer words were never spoken…
Within a week we were basically living together. After three months she moved out of her apartment and into my house. Where we built a new and improved dungeon.
We were together for a total of 8-1/2 years. Absolutely the best years of my life. I’m not sure if people in the BDSM community who have never been part of a lifestyle, 24/7, D/s, relationship can understand my reality. Sometimes I wonder if my perception is skewed because she was a professional and our personal relationship always crossed the line into her professional life. ALWAYS. So, I avoid discussions about it, so I don’t make others uncomfortable.
That’s why I removed all of the intimate details of our relationship from my website. Most of those pages are still here, mostly hidden from the public and selectively shared with my committed slaves. I always say that have so many stories I could write a book. Then I think I already have!
